Lookin’ for love…


Love is in the air. Yes! Like radio waves, you can not see them or touch them but you know they are there if you are tuned to the right frequency.

Paraphrasing Aristotle, he said that loving is to be happy, but not only that, it is to click with a special someone who was not in your plans. Loving someone is to have a better quality of life, if and only love is not sickening or weird. Sometimes we confuse infatuation with love. Loving is never lose sight of who you truly are, it is not losing your identity, because if you lose your identity in the process of loving someone, then I call that affective intoxication. Don’t worry it is not in the dictionary – yet.

Often times I do wonder how a couple ended up together? Just soon to realize that feelings decided for both of them, dragging them like a river out of the channel.  I have no scientific facts but to me love is like water, it has a great deal of density and can sway you powerless if you don’t exercise your direction.

So you may be left wondering, is it truly possible to love somebody and not die trying? Is it possible for me to enjoy the journey without really being dragged in the process? Well, without sounding to “know-it-all” let me give you a life jacket and a crash course on swimming so you don’t drown in the deep waters of frustration.

First of all, if you are with someone and that person doesn’t value you for who you really are, then learn to be a good loser and leave with dignity. Seriously, if they do not love you and respect you enough, have the dignity to love yourself because the situation will not change. By the way, that’s the very definition of insanity, things that have never change but you expect them to, without trying anything new.

Secondly, if you are really trying to fix your lover and their problems, you do it in such a way that that it is irrational. You dim your own lights so that said person brightens more, or at least has that appearance. You dissimulate and diminish your own virtues and God-given talents so that the shortcomings of your significant other are not noticed as much, in other words, you are emotionally subdued. Avoid irrational sacrifices so that your loved one will be happier or more complete.

Third, your loved one love, love, loves you! For now, tomorrow might be a different story, depending on their mood. One day they love you, the next day they are not so sure. You know that the emotional balance its in their hands. You know that the other person can more easily dispense their love towards you. Also, more fortuitously you say yes when you mean to say no. Reflect on this: Are you doing things for love or fear? Who has the affective power in this relationship? In what way am I being affected or benefited?

There are many more archetypes of emotional lovers, but the ones who are more “weak” the ones that are not looking to be “players” ~ either men or women. Those who persist in finding true love, in spite of themselves and their bad decisions, know this: The highest purpose of love is to love well. Always believe that you “cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails.” Unknown.

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One thought on “Lookin’ for love…

  1. I really enjoy, and think they are worthwhile, Gary Chapman’s writings on this topic. Most famously he is probably known for “The 5 Love Languages”. I have more recently been reading “Things I’d Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” also by Chapman.
    Another set of books, right up this alley, is Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend’s “Boundaries”. There is the original book, namely “Boundaries” and also many other versions such as “Boundaries in Dating”, “Boundaries in Marriage” etc. These books affirm your life-jacket-crash-course philosophy, one I also agree with.
    (As a side note, I’m currently working my way through a book by Dr John Townsend called “Hiding from Love” which is great for those of us who have been abused or injured in the area of relationships, and are now walking wounded in this area.)

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