When was the last time that you truly connected with someone?

 

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Here is some advice out of the readings I had been doing from different books:

  1. Give people your full attention. Your presence can be a healing agent for someone. Be fully present.
  2. Have an open body language. What is your body communicating to others? Does your body match yourwords?
  3. Be genuinely interested. I think being genuine and honest in everything you do is key.  We complain about “fake” people, don’t be one of them. Be congruent.
  4. We love connecting with people who are most like us. With other people whom you are trying to connect, seek common ground.
  5. Ask deep questions. You can talk about the weather if you like, but deep down, everyone is wanting to connect. See #3.
  6. Completely listen with your heart and mind. Sometimes it is difficult to listen intently because there is too much noise, mental noise and otherwise. I must admit that I am a guy and that “y-chromosome” to want to fix things get in the way. However, this is something that I’m getting better at the more I practice.
  7. Don’t be afraid to initiate contact and conversation. What do you have to lose? Think about the last time someone reached out to you and you thanked them for it. You can also do it for others. Reach out.
  8. Be an open book. I was reading that generosity is emotional generosity towards others.  Don’t confuse emotional generosity with being co-dependent, but rather to be open to others and to experiences. This is critical to be in authentic relationships.
  9. Suspend judgment. Put your perspectives on hold. If you want to show others that you care about them, don’t jump to conclusions. Feel and Be with them.
  10. Be mindful of others. What do others like/dislike? What do they need/want? Whats priority/not priority? Sometimes its easy to forget those things, especially those things that we don’t really care about or like, but by being interested in what others are interested, is demonstrating your gift of love towards them.
  11. Exude love, warmth & empathy. You may wonder how?
  12. Being close to the source of love, God.  Love emanates from God for God is love. Our best effort is to be Christ-Like. See all points above.
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Lookin’ for love…

Love is in the air. Yes! Like radio waves, you can not see them or touch them but you know they are there if you are tuned to the right frequency.

Paraphrasing Aristotle, he said that loving is to be happy, but not only that, it is to click with a special someone who was not in your plans. Loving someone is to have a better quality of life, if and only love is not sickening or weird. Sometimes we confuse infatuation with love. Loving is never lose sight of who you truly are, it is not losing your identity, because if you lose your identity in the process of loving someone, then I call that affective intoxication. Don’t worry it is not in the dictionary – yet.

Often times I do wonder how a couple ended up together? Just soon to realize that feelings decided for both of them, dragging them like a river out of the channel.  I have no scientific facts but to me love is like water, it has a great deal of density and can sway you powerless if you don’t exercise your direction.

So you may be left wondering, is it truly possible to love somebody and not die trying? Is it possible for me to enjoy the journey without really being dragged in the process? Well, without sounding to “know-it-all” let me give you a life jacket and a crash course on swimming so you don’t drown in the deep waters of frustration.

First of all, if you are with someone and that person doesn’t value you for who you really are, then learn to be a good loser and leave with dignity. Seriously, if they do not love you and respect you enough, have the dignity to love yourself because the situation will not change. By the way, that’s the very definition of insanity, things that have never change but you expect them to, without trying anything new.

Secondly, if you are really trying to fix your lover and their problems, you do it in such a way that that it is irrational. You dim your own lights so that said person brightens more, or at least has that appearance. You dissimulate and diminish your own virtues and God-given talents so that the shortcomings of your significant other are not noticed as much, in other words, you are emotionally subdued. Avoid irrational sacrifices so that your loved one will be happier or more complete.

Third, your loved one love, love, loves you! For now, tomorrow might be a different story, depending on their mood. One day they love you, the next day they are not so sure. You know that the emotional balance its in their hands. You know that the other person can more easily dispense their love towards you. Also, more fortuitously you say yes when you mean to say no. Reflect on this: Are you doing things for love or fear? Who has the affective power in this relationship? In what way am I being affected or benefited?

There are many more archetypes of emotional lovers, but the ones who are more “weak” the ones that are not looking to be “players” ~ either men or women. Those who persist in finding true love, in spite of themselves and their bad decisions, know this: The highest purpose of love is to love well. Always believe that you “cannot direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails.” Unknown.